But first, what’s going on in my life?  I have bigger problems than this

First, I am currently facing three felony charges and three misdemeanor charges from a previous demonstration, the Black Resistance March, in February (2017).  Like I am facing charges from The Actual State.   This is a little more of a thing than organizational charges from this little one-city socialist group that had honestly collapsed from 5 to 2 branches until the wave of anti-Trump protests inflated it back up with a new wave of revolving door members.  (It sort of begs the question, why am I even still going to marches for my own personal/legal/survival reasons, so everyone is probably rid of me at events for a while anyway for entirely selfish reasons.)

charges

I try to put on a brave face and act debonair about things, but honestly my situation could be construed as scary and I could use support right now and not this kind of undermining over what are actually political-factional and not sexual matters.

It’s completely amazing to me, that somehow Philly Socialists took the entire headline and focus of Saturday’s anti-Make America Great Again action from, “we shut down the Trump marchers” to, “Fuck Matt Hoke.”  I had literally just left the demonstration and was catching my breath and hydrating in a safe zone to open up Facebook to being denounced by Mara Henao.  Talk about solidarity – this is destructive cult behavior that values fighting its own political enmities over the task at hand.  If anyone wants to know where my own pissiness in condemning the leaderships of socialist organizations of late has come from, it’s because of stuff like this.  Confession: dealing with the ridiculousness of these people is the actual origin story of the God-Emperor Saturn character concept and what made my mind snap, but it’s okay, I think I like it better this way.

To be clear, the lies and betrayal around Philly Socialists claiming to be the very multi-tendency open democracy of socialist unity I had been longing for, defined I hoped by the human touch of creating a human community of social networks, and then turning out to be just another trap of a group with a manipulative hard core at the center bent on imposing one model and burning everyone out on base-building, after I had so invested my entire identity into it, has resulted in what I would call an entire lost year of my life – after I was a member, processing the betrayal.  I have pretty much lost three jobs to this: the stress from thinking about having to defend myself from the most intense, sexually charged lies on the Internet by a dominance-craving sociopath who used to be my best friend, in collusion with some of the most pathetically insecure people who try to make some kind of valiant feminist cause out of how a male dared disagreed with them and telling everyone that this somehow constituted literal violent threats, triggers my blinding migraines on the job and I end up losing time at work and getting fired.  This has ruined my life and I need my allies and comrades to understand that they need to begin speaking up and pushing back against the real damage that has been inflicted by Philly Socialists, they need to understand that they can’t allow themselves to be cowed by the superficial sounding-bad of it all, that this is political manipulation causing real damage to a real person who is otherwise a pretty solid political soldier, and we need to turn the pressure up on these bullies and remind them that Philly is a big town and they’re just a drop in the bucket.  If Philly Socialists keeps pushing this shit, they need to be actively excluded from all spaces, coalitions, events, and marches.  They value their dominance more than comradeship and are willing to destroy people and we have to draw a line.

I wish the insider clique of Philly Socialists would just perform the emotional and intellectual labor of resolving their own cognitive dissonance instead of externalizing all this unpaid work onto me and forcing me to be the irreconcilable factor who is forced to do the heavy lifting and process it for them.  It’s really inconsiderate and someday when they’ve come to their senses I expect them to compensate me, because their contradictions are massive and it’s a lot to carry.  (And I could use the money.)

Next: Summary of my expulsion

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