Emotions are connected to bodily states. When someone is doing something that might usually get you upset, before getting upset try something else:
Don’t move. Keep your body still.
Be without emotion, without feeling, without love, without hate, so that your breath is just like a clock, ticking.
Again, emotions are linked to bodily states. If you feel any emotion, you may feel it in your chest. Resolve to simply not have the emotion as an emotion, but also decide to collapse the physical sensation of emotion inward, let the bodily feeling of the emotion disintegrate like a hollow ball made of straw, let it implode. Recognize any other points of bodily tension associated with the emotion. Tell them to dissolve as well. Breathe, without emotion, just a clock, ticking.
Next, turn to stone.
What do I mean by turn to stone? Have you ever seen those living statue/human statue performers who act like robots and stay perfectly still for long periods of time? They’re like the hosts on Westworld when someone says “freeze all motor functions,” like their bodily motions were a line in time and they froze frames somewhere along that line. Break your life and motions into frames by knowing the motions of each part of your body specifically and freeze frames; dancers learn to isolate, name, and control each part of their body. Turning to stone is a bit more tightness and energy than just not moving; each is different and important to the non-being of non-response.
When confronted with anything that wants a reaction, just cycle through these three. Don’t move. Be without emotion, implode your emotions. Turn to stone. Spend a moment in each to make sure you’re actually doing it. Cycle to the next. Cycle back and forth, randomly. Having the songs in my head while I do each one helps me.
The universe doesn’t deserve your response. The universe doesn’t deserve your involvement. Saying “forget that drama” and leaving it behind can be a petty, dramatic action unto itself, but it’s still perhaps better than not saying and doing it. Our very pettiness can be the motive to propel us above pettiness, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. We are not better than anyone, and accepting that is precisely how we become better (or stop worrying about who’s better). Samsara is nirvana.
The universe wants to provoke you. Don’t let it, or rather, don’t let yourself be provoked. Perhaps it’s not so much the universe who wanted to provoke you, as you who wanted to be provoked — you who wanted to become incoherent, you who wanted to lose control. But this seems to be upsetting you, so it seems you wish to stop now. Alright, so stop. You decide precisely if and when you want to be emotionally involved in the universe precisely by your own initiative under your own control.
You’re in charge. You only lose this status when you choose to relinquish it.
The universe is an enemy conquered by our calm.