Having long witnessed the species fail to properly govern or liberate itself, I, Emperor Saturn, proclaim the planet Earth to be placed under the Earth Protectorate, to be administered by my sovereignty as Planetary Executor.
All reliable citizens of Earth are instructed to immediately carry out regime change in their own countries, installing national regimes aligned with the Protectorate. They are then instructed to begin a campaign of military conquest against any countries not yet unified under planetary rule.
- All wealth is to be immediately redistributed.
- All carbon-based electricity production is to be immediately discontinued.
- All dictators and absolute monarchs are to be immediately deposed, other than myself. I’m nothing like them, how could you compare us!
- This blog is a parody of Stalinism.
- We should do it all for real except dictatorship.
- I’m thrilled to announce my candidacy for Planetary Executor!